I’m Falling…But I CAN Get Up! Pam

So, I’ve been having my own, private pity party for the past 5 weeks, but it ended today!  Enough already!  Here’s the deal.  Since last October, we have been traveling a lot, mostly international with horrid, long flights, etc..  We were gone 8 out of roughly 17 weeks and over that period of time, needless to say, the food choices were mostly NOT Dr. Tim approved.  Now, you throw in a couple of cruises with endless food choices and you have the reason my husband and I gained some weight.  As you may recall, I had lost ~60 lbs over the past year and a half, so gaining weight was a real bummer.  If that wasn’t bad enough, I somehow screwed up my back and found I couldn’t do my usual 8 mile walks and my workouts with Dr. Tim had to lighten up dramatically while he intensified my therapy.  So now, I’m 10 lbs heavier and I can’t even exercise like crazy to help get it off.  So what do I do?  I sulk…how pathetic is that?!  I try eating my healthy diet but I’m easily distracted by a cookie or larger than life portions.  That just makes me more depressed and feeling like I’m on a slow, downward spiral back to my old ‘fat girl’ habits.

Recently, my sister told me her doctor told her that he doubted if my new lifestyle changes were sustainable, even though it has been close to 2 years.  It’s funny how those kinds of comments work on you in a negative way, almost causing self doubt for no reason!!!  BUGGERS!!!  What the hell does he know anyway!!??  It’s like when well meaning friends tell you that you are getting too thin and gaunt, as I have mentioned in a previous blog.  You begin to question yourself and start seeing a different person in the mirror, with an eventual subconscious increase in food intake and/or making poor food choices.

I decided to talk to Dr. Tim and Rose about how frustrated and discouraged I was getting (as if he didn’t know when I kept referring to my less difficult workouts as my “weeny” exercises), feeling the immediate need to go and buy chocolate under the guise of Easter!   They were, as usual, more than helpful, reminding me that it was admirable that I am going in to see him regularly and working on and through the pain, rather than sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day.  He is an interesting man.  He NEVER chastises you or criticizes anything, always chosing a positive comment over a negative one.  I didn’t need to tell him I was struggling…he always knows.  The only time he will comment is if you bring it up and ask for help, then he is all over it in a reassuring, positive way, helping you understand why you are feeling this way.  The encouragement just pours out of his body and you can’t help but feel better and empowered to take charge of your life.  A man of few words, yes, but the few words are always amazingly insightful.  After speaking to them, I left with lots to think about and sort out in my head.  I decided I will NEVER be the little fat girl again, that this is my new life and I love feeling healthy.  There is no going back.  I also learned to space out our travel plans so my body has more time to recover from our long trips.  It’s either that, or start taking Dr. Tim with us when we travel!

I’m writing this because it is not only helpful to me to talk about it, but I hope it may help some other “foodie” out there who may have faced similar challenges in their lives.  I also want Dr. Tim to be reminded of how much we benefit from his guidance and graceful teaching style.  And I also want Rose to know how much I appreciate her support and knowledge which we celebrate through a lot of laughter, often at Dr. Tim’s good natured expense!